My hypothetical 2015 Emmy ballot

If you recall last August, I was furious - legitimately furious - with the results of the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards, in which there were almost no original or inspired winners, and more statues were thrown at the overrated likes of Jim Parsons and Ty Burrell. I felt so hurt and betrayed I didn't even bother to dignify the telecast with any kind of writeup or even a review of my predictions afterward (it actually was slightly higher than normal, simply because of the repetitive voting patterns).

And yet here I am again, with the 2015 Emmy ballots released online, pretending the Emmys are worth giving a damn about. But the reason I'm so excited about this post is because this is my chance each year to list my dream Emmy nominations and winners - the names that would be read out on the morning of Thursday, July 16 in a just world where enough Emmy voters were aware that "The Americans" is a weekly program created for television and broadcast over the airwaves for consumption by a mass viewership. I swear, it is. It's on every Wednesday night. On the television. This is an actual television program, hand to God. I'm not just making it up.

So until the actual garbage nominations are released, allow me to put my fingers in my ears and say "la-la-la I can't hear you, here is the correct television". Join me after the break, won't you?